Living But Not Alive

Living But Not Alive

I knew this day would eventually come for me to put myself completely out there, vulnerable, bare for people to see. I’ve always been nervous about this moment, but I knew it would not only bring me freedom but freedom to others who may be lost or in bondage. 

Today I get to share with you how I found Christ or better yet, how Christ found me. I come from a bible-believing Christian family so going to church as a kid was a norm for me. I went to Sunday School, Vacation Bible School and I was even a part of a group similar to scouts for believers called AWANA. As I matured into an adult and had the opportunity to explore and make my own decisions, I began to drift. I never fully walked away, but God became distant for me. Although I gave my life to Christ at the tender age of 12, I never really KNEW God to have an intimate relationship with him. 

Towards the end of my senior year of highschool I lost my virginity to a guy that was about 9 years older than me. When we parted ways I experienced my first heartbreak; little did I know there were more heartbreaks to come. In between growing up and dealing with life I lived through a messy divorce with my parents, moved from place to place, and basically survived the circumstances of being raised in poverty. As I went on to college, I really began to explore my sexuality, drugs and alcohol. Getting to know Jesus more was not at the top of my to-do list. I was lost, didn’t know my value/worth and to be honest I didn’t care. I was having too much fun with things that only gave me temporary satisfaction. I was living, but not alive.

I was introduced to Elevation Church nearing the end of my college career and going there was the seed that was planted that would eventually bring me back to Christ. I was baptized during the first inception of Raised to Life and after that my life began to shift. I began to want to know more of God, but it was and still is progressive. Although baptism allowed the Holy Spirit to come into me, I still did things that weren’t so Christ-like. As my journey continued and as I grew over the years I consumed more and more church, I endured more and more encounters with the Lord, but life still happened. It was like I had this new fire inside of me, but there was still pain happening around me. A major turning point for me was when I lost my father. At the point, I could not understand how I could have this deeper understanding of who God was and how something so tragic could happen to me. What I didn’t know at the time, was that experience would create my testimony for who I would become in the future. God mourned with me while I was mourning, was there at every hospital visit with me and my father, and He held me at night when I would cry myself to sleep. He was always there.

I eventually moved back up north and began to serve even more in the church. I felt like God was giving me the call to move to London to do a Discipleship Training School where I would learn how to use my gifts in the world for Jesus. Little did I know, moving to London would be a life-changing experience that would take my relationship with God to levels I would’ve never even imagined. My turning point moment when I re-committed my life to him was during London Fashion Week. God showed me how much of my life I was doing without Him & how he wanted to partner with me if I allowed him. I will never forget that intimate conversation with him which led me to where I am now. Desperate for more of Jesus, like an itch that I couldn’t stop scratching.

Once you taste and see how good the Lord is, it becomes an addiction. To know that there is someone fighting for me always, someone who doesn’t impose, someone whose patient and whose grace is endless. His love is deeper than the ocean and I am sharing this with you today because the same love that I’ve received is available to you. There may be a feeling of emptiness that you feel that only God can fill. God wants to fight for you, He wants to partner with you in your decision-making. He wants to walk with you, cry with you, and laugh with you. He sees you just as you are and loves you anyway. The best part of this journey is that not only do you not have to be perfect but even if you decide to accept him in your life, the journey is forever. When you fall, He’ll be right there to pick you up. When you are at a crossroads, He’ll already be there waiting for you to guide you into your destiny. You no longer have to carry the burden of life because He wants to carry it for you.

If my testimony sparked anything inside of your mind or heart respond to me saying “YES”. I would love to pray with you! Blessings….

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